Also Known As Miracle Worker, Martyr & Mind Reader)

Ah, Mallorca. Sun-kissed waters, breezy afternoons, and… yet another yacht job offer that reads like a dystopian novella.

Here’s the ad:

“Position: Chef / Indentured Servant”

(Okay, it actually says “Chef,” but we all know what they mean.)

Vessel: 40m Motor Yacht under the Spanish flag—because nothing says “easy paperwork” like entering the bureaucratic maze of Spain in June, while still waiting on your Tax ID and praying someone finds your Social Security number before the second charter.

Start Date: ASAP.

Translation?

We forgot about you, Chef. Again.

You know, the person who has to feed 20 souls three times a day, plus snacks, tapas, hors d’oeuvres, and the occasional last-minute “botanita” that no one can define but everyone wants.

They’re looking for one (yes, ONE) chef to handle 20 people, breakfast through midnight cravings.

But don’t worry—they’re offering “industry standard” pay.

Which in yachting terms means:

“You’ll be overworked, underpaid, and possibly hallucinating by August.”

Contract Type: Full-time seasonal

Which cleverly translates to: “You’re full-time until we get what we need out of you, then bye.”

Because heaven forbid they keep you around long enough to pay you freelance or offer benefits.

(Another red flag flapping in the Mediterranean breeze.)

Now let’s talk expectations:

• Fluent in English and Spanish.
• Must hold a specific medical certificate (but not ENG1, of course—because that would be too convenient).
• Be friendly, professional, “active”… which is HR-speak for: “Ready to work 16 hours a day with no breaks, no groceries, and no complaints.”

Also, don’t forget to have thick skin, because you’ll be catering to:

• The vegan (on weekdays),
• The keto bro (but only until tequila hour),
• The gluten-intolerant stew (who eats bread in secret),
• And the owner who “eats clean” but wants sliders and fries at 11PM.

Let’s not overlook the final cherry on top:

“Send your CV to: chiefstewardess@gmail.com”

Now, if you’ve been in the game long enough, you already know:

If the chief stew is handling hiring, chances are…

• She’s either married to the captain,
• Engaged to the mate,
• Or just running the ship like Beyoncé on a power trip.

So congratulations, you’re applying for a job where the true chain of command is part soap opera, part Game of Thrones.

About the vessel?

They proudly mention “an active charter program” for summer 2025.

Translation?

Back-to-back charters with no time to prep, clean, breathe, or feel joy.

A fast-track to burnout, creative block, and the sudden realization that maybe opening a taco stand on land wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

Moral of the story?

If the ad reads like a rescue mission—run.

If they remember the chef last… remember yourself first.

And if you do take the job?

Make sure your knives are sharp, your provisioning contacts are on speed dial, and your exit plan is airtight.

Because in this kitchen, you’re not just cooking.

You’re surviving.

Bio Chef Raffie

Chef Luis Rafael “Raffie” Hurtado is a cosmopolitan culinary storyteller whose journey from galley to page is as flavorful as the dishes he creates. With over 20 years in the yachting industry, Chef Raffie has traveled the globe, collecting spices, stories, and the occasional kitchen battle scar from three continents’ worth of prestigious internships and professional kitchens.

Fluent in English, Spanish, French, and Italian, he brings a worldly repertoire to every plate and every paragraph. His unique background includes not only luxury yacht cuisine but also time spent as a chef instructor at the high school level in South Florida, where he mentored the next generation with a blend of tough love, real-world grit, and the occasional well-timed joke.

Now transitioning into his role as a chef-writer, Raffie is set to release his long-awaited memoir, chronicling the wild, wonderful, and wildly unpredictable life of a yacht chef—with plenty of laugh-out-loud moments and a few splashes of sarcasm. Alongside his writing, he’s also launching his own line of signature seasoning blends, designed to bring global flavor to everyday cooking with the ease and flair of someone who’s lived it all.

Equal parts satirist and saucier, Raffie offers readers a sharp, humorous, and refreshingly honest take on the culinary world—proving that behind every elegant dish is a story worth telling… and probably a chef who’s slightly sleep-deprived but still smiling.